Crossing

I was only six years old, and already saw the world was so cold. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't think it was wrong. I came into this country doing no harm. 

Though I spent three days and nights without my mom. I had no worries I was with my aunt and cousins. Ten of us, sharing one room and going from motel to motel each night. Then came a day, one day where my aunt took me with a man, I was taken to a house. I was alone. There was a lady with a kid. I was with a stranger for two nights. 

That lady told me I'm no longer me, I'm someone else named Mixtri. She took me to a store that day and made me cover my face with a hat, she handed me to someone else with my face still covered. The next day I woke up in a new house, they fed me and then asked my name. I kept quiet. She said I couldn’t eat or do anything until I learned my name. She locked me in a room crying my eyes out.She would spank me until I got it right. I was alone for three more nights.  

The last night she took me away, we drove and drove for hours. Then we stopped and she told me to close my eyes and sleep. But what kid would sleep, when they are with a stranger driving somewhere they’ve never seen before. She said if someone asks my name to give the fake name and if I didn't I would never see my mom again. I hid my eyes under the seatbelt, terrified it was late at night we stopped at a toll. Then came a man next to the car, wearing a green uniform , big, tall, light brown hair, and blue eyes. He spoke with a heavy accent. He let us go through not questioning who I was. 

We drove farther and longer. We came to a small blue house in the middle of the night. I was left with another lady. She took me to a room and put me to sleep in a bed. When I woke up she said "Do you know where you are?" I replied "Mexico". She said "No your in California in the United States!" I didn’t know what was so important about it. She fed me and let me play with her kids. I call came in and she asked me what was my name I said "Mixtri" then she said "What is your real name?" I kept saying Mixtri. She handed me the phone saying there's someone that wants to talk to me. My aunt was on the other line, and I was so happy to hear her voice, she told me I don’t have to pretend I'm someone else, that I'm safe. I asked about my mom and she didn’t answer. She called for three more days and I kept asking about my mom and I would get the same reply every time, "She's not here".  

Thirteen days with out my mom and the last day she showed up, she came where I was at. She came with my cousins and I was so happy to see her. My mom thanked the lady for taking good care of me and we left. We had a long drive and when I woke up I was in Iowa. It was 5 in the morning and we got off and went inside a big white house.  

Years passed by and soon I understood what I was.  

I had to keep quiet of what me and my mom where.  

Now every morning I wake up with fear, 

Fear that one day I will come home and my mom wont be there. 

Fear that one day my sister will be taken away to a foster home.  

Fear that will always live inside me.

Senior Year!

Senior year. The last year you get to be a kid. The last year where you don't have to worry as much. The last year you get to be with your friends from elementary. Senior year is gonna be, will be tough. Everyone is going their separate ways. You might never get to see them, or might see them but when they are already married and with kids. Everyone has a different decision. Some could become famous, others could become amazing chefs, and maybe one of your classmates could find the cure to cancer. Whatever your decision is or their decision is just make the best out of the last year you get to be with them. Have fun, do crazy things. but not to crazy things. Because next year you will have to face the real world. I guarantee you it will not be fun.

My Life Story

I came from the streets of Mexico City. Never knew how to suffer down there. I was only six years old. Didn't know much but I knew enough. Grew up without a father. He let us go and I didn't even know. One day my momma says "Mija help me pack we're going to el Norte". Shit I didn't even know what el norte was. I asked "Is Daddy coming too?" She said with a sad look on her face, trying to hide her tears "Mija your father doesn't  want us. He chose the other women over you". I didn't say a thing, all I thought was I guess that's how life works. Came to the U.S reunited with my cousin and the rest of my family. Then I thought maybe this wont be so bad at all. Years passed by, my mom and I living alone just the two of us. No news from my dad. I didn't give a fuck. No man ever came until one day in seventh grade my mom got married. I was devastated. I hated that man since day one. I was like his not good news but my mom didn't give a fuck. I got a sister which I love so much since day one. Three years my mom was married. Three years I suffered. He was kicking me out of the house. I didn't give a fuck. I wasn't about to leave my mom alone with him. He was becoming abusive. Trying to hit my mom but I stopped him before he could do anything else. I stood up to him and the more he got mad. I wasn't about to let him rule my life. it was 2013 I got a job to help my mom out. The man didn't work much and all he did was drink and smoke and who knows what else. Shortly after that during spring break I gave up, he was kicking me out again. Didn't want me near my sister and she was looking for her big sister. What was I supposed to do. I hugged my sister, he ripped her out my hands, I turned around and looked at my mom and said "I'm gonna go outside." Minutes passed my step dad came outside I was having fun talking to my home girl and he decides to yell across "Metete pa dentro cabrona que no eres una serda". I look at him like "You just told me to get out." I go inside and it's all just more yelling at each other. I look at my mom and tell her "Ma yo te quiero mucho, but you know I gotta do whats the best for both of us". I give a kiss on the cheek, I go to my room get the few things I need. I call my uncle up, I tell him a lie saying I just wanna spend the night for fun. But as a matter of fact my aunt sees deep within me that something is wrong. I tell her what happened. Later my uncle comes and asks what happened. I tell him the truth. He says you can stay here as long as you want. Two days passed by things were not so great. I hit my mom up ask her whats up. I hear the man got drugged and went to the hospital. I just think in my head "That's Karma for you". Next thing I know it's Saturday and my neighbors calling me up at work telling me she's helping my mom taking her to a shelter with my little sister. Telling me the man is threatening to run away with my sister, and for me to be careful at work and everywhere I go. I get off work and run to find my mom. I go to my house the lock was changed I go downstairs to talk to my neighbor to know whats up. She tells me they changed the lock the man can't get in. I was like wheres my mom. She took her to a safe place the shelter. She gives the new keys I go up stairs with my home girl to get somethings, and in bad luck the man had to come. My home girl and I get scared but we knew he couldn't do shit. I take my home girl into my room. We stand quite ready to do something in case he breaks in. We hear the door trying to be open. Then we hear his car and his off again. My home girl says that was close but we got each others back. We go back to her place and they take me to my mom. The moment I see her it's the best moment I had. Knowing she was okay with my sister. God knows what I would've done if anything happened to them. I tell my mom "I guess this is all of my fault". Later that day I end up calling my dad just to see whats up. He says I missed you so much and all I did was ask him how his life was without me. I didn't tell him what happened, if he didn't look for me after we left it was clear he didn't wanna know anything about me. Living in the shelter for four months. During those months I kept working, going to school making my way around town. Walking around always keeping track of my surroundings. I knew I had to be careful. My Step dad was still around looking for my mom. I spent some nights at the shelter, others nights was at my uncles house. I was always on my own walking the streets. My mom got a restraining order on him, he couldn't get near my mom. He could only see my sister on Sundays. No one at school knew what was going on. Only few friends of mine knew. Others didn't have a clue. Then I met this boy. He talked to me looking all fly. He got my number I don't know how. We started to talk, and hanged out at lunch. I was falling for him and I fell hard. I found out he knew my step dad that moment, I thought his just a little trap. As a mater of fact he really did like me he didn't know I was his step daughter. I gave him a shot. We move in with my aunt on the south side. I keep talking to him my mom finds out and she doesn't want me to talk to him no more. I tell her straight up "I can talk to whoever I want". It was summer break. Days later I get calls around midnight from the boy. I was already at the hospital because my aunt was feeling bad. He tells me that I don't care for him because I won't answer I tell him I was busy that's all. The thing was his dad was at the hospital too, turns out my step dad hit him hard in the head with a beer bottle. The next day my step dad was arrested. All I think is "That's what you get". Then I think of my sister it was Sunday he had her. That day he got arrested. I get angry inside thinking something could have happened to my sister. I call my boy up ask what went down. He tells me my step dad is in jail he ain't getting out anytime soon. I tell my mom she was kinda glad. A month passed by the boy broke my heart I just tell my self "That's what I get for falling so hard". We move into a new place just my mom, my sister, and me. At that moment I tell my mom "I guess you could say this is all my fault.." she just looks at me and says "Mija todo lo que pasa en la vida se paga". Everything that happens in life is paid for one way or another. I was still on the streets walking to where I needed to go. Months passed by, yeah we had our fights but we stuck together. It's January 2014 and we still live happy, just the three of us. We heard the man is getting out in a couple of days and if he does lets wait and see what happens. Now with the situation with my dad. His trying to get back in my life. I blame him for letting me leave and not looking for me. Maybe if he did I wouldn't have suffered the way I did. I know other people have it worse than me. But that's my story and there's more left to say. I just don't know it yet. But what happens, happens and there's nothing left to do.

I just love this song so much!!! 

I think.....

Yea you know how last time i was talking about a guy liking me..... well now I'm thinking that is possibly, maybe, awkwardly likes me. The reason I think that is because well we talk a whole lot now.. on Facebook, we always message each other everyday. Theres not a day that we don't talk. We always have something to say. We can talk for I don't know how long. The longest we have talked for was like till 3 in the mourning. I have no idea what so ever what we talked about. We just talk. And when we end the conversations. We never say good bye we always say something like imma sleep night or something else like that... we never say Hey either we just say something and we talk about it and then we talk about the most random things ever. I think he does like me but then again I hope not I don't want to ruin out friendship.. :/

Awkward.

Have you ever had that moment when people think that your dating someone one when your not?? I had that moment a couple of weeks ago. My friend told me that people think that I'm dating this guy that I talk to a lot. Then I kept thinking about it and it all came together. Days before my friend told me that I was at church. Since I get a ride there I wait till there gonna go and they leave late. So the guy was there and I was talking to him since there was no one else to talk to. While we were talking another guy was like separating us. I didn't know why at first but it was awkward. We just kept talking and the other guy kept interfering. Then I just left. My friend tells me that people think we're dating and that just made it more awkward since then I feel awkward around him. I had a stupid idea to tell him that since I didn't know if he knew. Turns out he knew. He said there just saying that as a joke. But I knew there weren't. Then my friends keep saying he likes me. And I tell them he doesn't cuz I'm not his type of girl.

Homecoming???

What is the point of homecoming?? I mean you have to wear a dress problem get a limo blah blah blah. But that's just a bunch of money going to waste on something that will last for like three or four hours. Plus some kids don't like the kind of music they put at those things. I mean think about it Latinos listen to different types of music they dance to different types of music. Plus how do you dance the type of music they put at homecoming??? I don't know! When someone finds our make sure to tell me.